‘Cause she wasn’t just talking about my hair–she was talking about my life

July 13, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have extreme style worship.

I see girls my age who do the Zooey Deschanel thing in pretty dresses, simple blouses, structured pants, and soft cardigans. I once told my friend Jules that I’ve come to the realization there is a tie between getting older and wanting the waist line on your pants high enough that your ass doesn’t fall out. Sometimes though I get this pull to dye my hair a million colors and wear clip-on feathers and seashells and dress like a crusty.

“We are like the same.”

Meadham Kirchhoff Spring 2011

Dying over this hair.

Can I go crazy and not wear Gap fitted pants? Can I pierce my nose and dye my hair turquoise and work somewhere other than a coffee shop and or a second hand clothing store? How would my boss respond to me showing up at a show store meeting and introduce myself to the VP of our company with sour apple colored hair and dress suit? It would be fun though.

I’m conflicted because I DO like Banana Republic and Anthropologie but I don’t find the clothes I wear to be fun. They should be fun–shouldn’t they? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my adult life ordering fair isle cable knit cardigans off of LL Bean online?

Is this my fate?

Should I trade in my cats for a show dog and buy a poncho? Jules once told me that she misses how I use to dress like a rainbow. I miss it too.

Do you ever have style worship? Someone’s style that you want to emulate? My style worship is such a disjointed modge podge group of fashion icons. From Courtney Love to Bardot.

Isn’t she wonderful?

I use to watch Skins U.K. and loved Kaya Scodelario as Effy Stonem. Her wardrobe is like a shopping spree at Allsaints Spitalfield.

How beautiful Kaya Scodelario?

And don’t get me started on Style Rookie fashion blogger Tavi. Jealous. At 23 can I style worship fifeteen year olds?

Seeing these daring young girls makes look back on what I wore when I was their age. So this is where I am now, anatomizing who I was and what I was wearing for the past decade.

2000, Middle School 12-13 years old

I always felt different than most girls. Geeky without the book smarts. I liked music but I didn’t know anything about good music yet. Most of my friends had crushes on J.T.T. but to me his posters on my wall felt like an obligation–like I couldn’t be normal otherwise. I still remember the first time I felt a throbbing was in 1998 when Jesse Camp won “Wanna Be a VJ.” He looked dirty and I liked his sharp hips. It was like a divine light shining down and saying “Ashley, men like this exist,” because prior to this my only exposure was Trent Lane, Jane Lane’s older brother in Daria. His raspy voice made me so hot when I was still wearing my peachy baby fat but I couldn’t gush over a cartoon character as my friends and I jumped on our beds while singing along to No Scrubs.

In middle school I had Care Bear shoelaces from Hot Topic and my favorite bands were Saves the Day and the Get Up Kids. I had gauges but never went beyond 8s because they made my ears smell like cheese. I grew up watching MTV and I think this is why I’m never going to be truly hip–it has filled such a large portion of my brain with garbage like Date My Mom and Tila Tequila. The first time I saw someone like me was The Real World: Back to New York, cast member Rachel Braband. “She had like, this really cool bleached blonde spiky hair and like this one time she saw New Found Glory in concert and it was like, so rad.” Anyway, after buying my first pair of Vans I decided to learn how to skate board. After buying my first studded belt I decided to buy a Fender guitar.

My friend Sarah made a poster for me in her screen printing class that had the lyrics to “Lover I Don’t to Love” by Bright Eyes. I was deeply in love with Conor Oberst for most of high school. I use to wear scarves and glittens in doors which people thought was so bizarre and quirky. I stopped hanging out with all of my friends from middle school and once scoffed at someone who tried to convince me that they were also alternative because they liked the Strokes. I mean like, come on! I was spending hours on the internet exploring different music forums trying to find mp3s of B-sides and sending love letters to different record labels for free sampler cds. All he had to do was turn on the t.v. I was such a little snot.

I once bought a pair of shoes just because a guy I had a crush on had the same ones. My first high school boyfriend was called Weezer because he looked like Rivers Cuomo and wore horn rimmed glasses. I wore lots of argyle and made purses out of my grandpa’s old t-shirts. I wasn’t a tomboy–I wasn’t coordinated enough to be good at physical contact sports or even have an understanding of them however I always tried to be one of the dudes. This is were the shoe matching thing comes in, instead of trying to hook up with guys I tried to be their best friend. It seemed more appealing to talk about whatever you talk about when you are 15 then hold hands and make out in movie theaters. I still remember the first time a guy friend grabbed for my hand when we were driving in his car. Inside I completely geeked out–actually, I pulled my hand away and sat on them until he dropped me off. Don’t get me wrong, I had the same urges that come with puberty but when it came to laying in bed and staring at my print out poster of Conor Oberst I would fantasize about getting coffee with him and talking and playing music and creating art. So I guess I dressed a little masculine and liked chunky sweaters and skate shoes but I still liked girly stuff–my grandma even signed me up for a subscription to 17 magazine which I kept until I graduated high school.

I loved fair isle sweaters–and I still do to this day

exhibit a: Sophomore year of college, favorite house sweater bought from Salvation Army. It was itchy but so warm.

I lived in the Pennsylvanian mountains so I wore woolly sweaters and dressed liked I was from Iceland. I love how beautiful the Nordics are– I would spend hours looking at Hel Looks. It was always cold and most of my memories are staying out late in the woods and bon fires in the snow.

exhibit B: Me at 15 posing with my Donnie & Marie Osmond record player that I still have. I loved that sweater.

I really got into mod vintage prints and mixtures of black and white and bold colors. In my Art 1 class we had to make clay models of iconic figures and mine was of Twiggy.

After my Freshman year of high school I decided that I needed to dye my hair. Much like Angela Chase in My So-Called Life–

My long blonde didn’t let people know that I was different and  listened to alternative music and liked boys in punk bands and ate at diners and drank coffee at midnight so I chopped it off and dyed in dark red. And then dark bown. And then black. And then red again.

exhibit C: I loved looking like a rainbow, wearing non-matching colors and plastic jewelry. I had this bright wool spun scarf that I bought on Canal Street in New York City, it was my favorite even after it started shredding. 

exhibit D: My friend Sarah had these awesome sunglasses that she would let me borrow. We would trade different things like hats and bags so it made everything I wore eclectic and quirky. I liked wearing long beaded necklaces and detailed pieces.
I acquired a lot of bohemian styled clothes and started shopping at the mall more. I mean, I’ve always been really into shopping and loved finding special items and basics in the typical stores but it was always more fun buying things second hand– it felt like more of an accomplishment. After the majority of my friends left for college I toned down my craziness and made new normal boring friends. I probably haven’t spoken to them since I graduated because they were time fillers–occupying time during the school year until my friends came back in the summer and I could go off to college myself. Anyway, even if I tried, I wasn’t one in the same as most of my peers. I still had hair like a Vulcan and came off smug. I had a livejournal that I religiously updated.

exhibit E: I loved spring.

2006, end of High School/Freshman Year of College 18-19

I remember wearing an outfit just like this on the last day of school. I felt proud of myself for being the first person I knew to wear skinny jeans. For the longest time a lot of street fashion blogs from Europe and Japan would show girls and guys wearing skinny jeans or straight cut jeans and I wanted a pair so bad. When they finally started selling them mass marketed in the U.S. my friend Jules and I ran out and bought twenty pairs. The two of us always were really into fashion and tried to emulate looks that we liked. I once got into an argument over a fashion column for our school news paper. Another girl wanted to write about current trends, more specifically Uggs with mini skirts. I told her that wasn’t fashion and she tried to explain her case by saying that when she shopped at a mall in New Jersey all the girls were dressed like that. Like a prick I responded back that she argued my side for me as soon as she said “a mall in New Jersey.” She didn’t get it. 

2009 to Present, 21-23

Boring. But Keds are so comfy! And slight flair makes my legs look longer! I actually own that bag.

And now I buy designer pajamas.

I was inspired to write this entry because the blogs I love the most touch on fashion. I do not plan on this being a fashion blog though–I mean, I just said what I wear when I’m not in uniform is jams. I like writing this though–it was fun but writing about fashion I find to be too tedious. However this was like a purge of all these feelings I have when I look back on different stages of my life. Maybe if I buy new things I’ll share them. Maybe.

“It doesn’t feel like a Friday”

photo credit: Zooey Deschanel http://stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com/2009/02/21/zooey-deschanel-teams-up-with-oliver-peoples/, Crusty girl http://www.superfuture.com/supertalk/showthread.php?t=251714, Meadham Kirchhoff models http://www.anothermag.com/current/view/470/London_Fashion_Week_Day_Four, Best In Show screen stills, Courtney Love exclaim.ca, Courtney Love http://www.celebitchy.com, Karen O. still from “Zero” music video, Effy stills from Skins U.K., Tavi Gevinson myfavebooks.com, My So-Called Life screen stills


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